Last week the video game adaptation Mutant Chronicles was released in a limited release to theaters, and to no surprise the critics and the rest of America didn't care.......The film was made in 2007 and rightfully it was shelved, and so they decided to go ahead and dump it in April. Anyways here are a list of some of the other terrible and ridiculous video game movies. Unfortunately most of them are directed by the world's worst director Uwe Boll.
5. Super Mario Bros
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Let's start the list off with the very first video game adaptation. They attempted to go all out to make sure that the film was successful, a good budget, a great cast, and a horrifically bad script. It seems that the sheer concept of it being a video game movie wasn't enough to draw in the crowds or appease the critics. Instead it created a monster that can't be destroyed or stopped.
4. BloodRayne
Alright here we go Uwe Boll's first appearance on the list. Here's was a movie based on a video game that wasn't even that popular, and the movie w
as about vampires but seriously lacked in vampire awesomeness. Instead the film revels in terrible and horrific production value. However Uwe Boll did attempt to be creative for a brief moment. A scene with Meat Loaf....yes he's in the movie......anyways Meat Loaf has visited a brothel and comes across a bunch of vampire prostitutes. Well Uwe Boll being the visionary that he is decided to hire actual prostitutes to portray the ladies. Damn You Uwe Boll.
3. House Of The Dead
Uwe Boll's second and defiently not last apperance is with 2003's horror flick House of the Dead. The video game itself is one of my all time favorite arcade games, but Uwe Boll decided that he wanted to ruin this franchise as well. The film lacks any type of plot, terrible acting, and looks like it was directed by a five year old blind child. Don't watch this please....actually I really feel as though I shouldn't even be acknowledging this film's existence, because I'm sure this is how Uwe Boll gets his power. He scours the internet looking for articles about how terrible his movies are by nerdy college kids who can't get half the money he gets to make an actually decent and intelligent film.....................and he laughs.
2. Wing Commander
Do you remember Wing Commander that game from the early nineties? No, because neither do I. Regardless of the film's nonexistent audience the studio still decided to make the film in 1999, nearly five years after the last game's release. The plan was a sure fire plan.....put in a hot young cast, throw in some outer space battle scenes, and a ridiculously uncomfortable romance back story.........hmm sounds more like a Uwe Boll movie but no it was directed by Chris Roberts producer of such fine hits as The Punisher and Who's Your Caddy.........
1. Alone in the Dark
The final film of this amazingly bad list is Uwe Boll's third appearance with 2005's Alone in the Dark. One of my biggest problems with this movie was Tara Reid. Apparently someone thought that it was believable to cast her as a scientist.......what the hell? Serously......Christian Slater's in it as well and I actually still like him so I'm not mention how terrible he really was in this movie. So the film's credibility is already shot, but Uwe Boll continues with Stephen Dorff who seems to be ripping off Iceman from Top Gun with his ridiculous performance. The film itself completely implodes not just from the terrible performances but from the overly serious plot that seemed as though it wanted to include some social commentary.......Jesus.
Cannes released all the movies that they're slated to show yesterday and also released the running time for all the films and for many of them it's the first time these times have been released. Probably one of the most talked about films premiering at Cannes is Quentin Tarantino's Inglorious Basterds ........and yes it's spelled wrong on purpose.....well the film is going to be a little over 2 hours and 40 minutes......which may make you say crap....I don't want watch a movie for nearly 3 hours, but I say why not? It's Tarantino's movie about a platoon of Jewish American soldiers are sent into Nazi occupied France and slaughter and torture Nazis. So nearly 3 hours of that, sounds pretty awesome. Oh yeah did I mention that Brad Pitt leads the platoon as Lt. Aldo Raine, a hillbilly jew from the mountains of Tennessee. And if all of that doesn't get you, then maybe your a Nazi.
Today brings us the release of the new Jean Claude Van Damme movie.....and yes I'm serious about this....it's an incredible movie. The film stars JCVD as himself in JCVD, a worn out past his prime international action star. The film starts out with JCVD in trial with his wife for custody over his child, and it shows that even the biggest stars are still just human. He's strapped for cash and is hoping to transfer some money in a local bank, when the bank gets held up, and the bank robbers decide to frame JCVD and make it look like he was robber...........The plot seems a little lax and it is in some parts, but Jean Claude delivers an actually moving and good performance. I never thought I'd say that in reference to him, but damnit the man deserves it. For those of you who are worried about him not kicking any ass in the movie; well don't fret he does a little bit, and he's also working with Dolph Lundgren right now on a new Universal Soldier.
I sat down and watched the latest adaptation of Palahniuk, Choke last night, and I'm a little torn. The performances from Sam Rockwell and Anjelica Huston really help elevate the film but it seems as though the film lacks the flair and wit of the source material. Though I'm quite sure in a few years people will look at the film with good regards, and it might even reach a bit of cult status.......then again who am I talk....I thought that a sequel Basic Instinct would be a good idea.......haha not really......but seriously.
Let's start the list off with the very first video game adaptation. They attempted to go all out to make sure that the film was successful, a good budget, a great cast, and a horrifically bad script. It seems that the sheer concept of it being a video game movie wasn't enough to draw in the crowds or appease the critics. Instead it created a monster that can't be destroyed or stopped.
Alright here we go Uwe Boll's first appearance on the list. Here's was a movie based on a video game that wasn't even that popular, and the movie w
Uwe Boll's second and defiently not last apperance is with 2003's horror flick House of the Dead. The video game itself is one of my all time favorite arcade games, but Uwe Boll decided that he wanted to ruin this franchise as well. The film lacks any type of plot, terrible acting, and looks like it was directed by a five year old blind child. Don't watch this please....actually I really feel as though I shouldn't even be acknowledging this film's existence, because I'm sure this is how Uwe Boll gets his power. He scours the internet looking for articles about how terrible his movies are by nerdy college kids who can't get half the money he gets to make an actually decent and intelligent film.....................and he laughs.
Do you remember Wing Commander that game from the early nineties? No, because neither do I. Regardless of the film's nonexistent audience the studio still decided to make the film in 1999, nearly five years after the last game's release. The plan was a sure fire plan.....put in a hot young cast, throw in some outer space battle scenes, and a ridiculously uncomfortable romance back story.........hmm sounds more like a Uwe Boll movie but no it was directed by Chris Roberts producer of such fine hits as The Punisher and Who's Your Caddy.........
The final film of this amazingly bad list is Uwe Boll's third appearance with 2005's Alone in the Dark. One of my biggest problems with this movie was Tara Reid. Apparently someone thought that it was believable to cast her as a scientist.......what the hell? Serously......Christian Slater's in it as well and I actually still like him so I'm not mention how terrible he really was in this movie. So the film's credibility is already shot, but Uwe Boll continues with Stephen Dorff who seems to be ripping off Iceman from Top Gun with his ridiculous performance. The film itself completely implodes not just from the terrible performances but from the overly serious plot that seemed as though it wanted to include some social commentary.......Jesus.
Frost/Nixon Frost/Nixon is the story and basically the post-watergate interviews between British reporter David Frost (Michael Sheen) and President Richard Nixon (Frank Langella). The film shows the behind the scenes of the interview and how Frost had to finance most of the project with his own money. The interview quickly escalates into a battle of wits between the two. The two stars both deliver Oscar caliber performances and deserve all the applaud they received during its release. The film itself was nominated for 5 Oscars (Director, Editing, Picture, Adapted Screenplay, Actor (Langella)) Ron Howard proves once again that he can direct heavy handed material and still make it an enjoyable film to watch.
I usually don't do reviews on T.V. shows, but occasionally I stumble across something so genius that I have to share it with the rest of you fine people. Today it's the Canadian made docu-com Trailer Park Boys . The show has been on since 2001 spawning 7 seasons and a feature film, but the show is still widely unknown in the states. The show revolves around the three central characters Ricky, Julian, and Bubbles. All of three reside in you guessed it a trailer park. The show is presented as a documentary crew following the three characters through their various misadventures around the trailer park including drug dealing, prison, kitties, partying, and Mr. Lahey(Trailer Park Supervisor). So get out right now and fucking get it.